How could I have forgotten?

I swear this getting old shit just sucks. I keep forgetting that I have started this so-called blog, keep forgetting that I actually have a place to come and vent my frustrations at life. Funny that my last post was nearly a year ago. And before that I think it was 2007. When I was in high school I filled countless black and white composition notebooks full of teenage angst. It was supposed to be something we did only for English class but I loved how writing in it made me feel because I knew that I was the only one who would read it. Yeah, until we were told to turn them in to be graded. Oh the horror of knowing my beloved English teacher would be reading about how I hated school, hated living with my dad, loved my boyfriend, etc. Turns out she actually loved my writing, loved the humor that I infused into everyday things, loved that I poured my heart and soul into each page that I wrote. By the end of my senior year I think I had maybe 15-20 of those journals. Every page filled, cover to cover. And in a box somewhere, I still have them. I think it would be hilarious and embarrassing to go through those journals now, to see what was so important to me when I was 16, 17 and 18. To read about my hopes and dreams, what I was scared of, what I looked forward to, what I hoped my life would bring me once I left home. Well I can tell you what life gave me once I did leave home. But we'll save that for another entry ;-) When I got to college my focus changed but I did continue to write in larger journals. I have those in a box as well. I can remember sitting for hours in the Quad, filling page after page about the guy who had jilted me that month. Talking to no one in particular about the most amazing book I had just read, Gone With The Wind. How I loved Scarlett O'Hara, wanted to be like her. Of course I have reread that book as an adult and no longer wish to be that spoiled brat lol.

I wrote in journals for some time. I do remember a time in my life, I think I was gearing up to get married, that I wasn't writing at all. I remember picking up a new journal, hoping to fill it with all the wonderful things that had happened and were going to happen. I didn't get far until the words wouldn't come to me anymore. Somehow I had lost the love to write. How sad that memory is now. All those years since that memory, I think it must be about 14 years now... with nothing to say about the journey I have been on. I wish now that I had continued to write because how wonderful it would be to read to my oldest what was happening to me while she was in my belly, what her birth was to me, what joy and happiness and terror she brought to our lives.

Maybe I hope now that by writing there will be something for her to read when another 11 years have gone by. Hopefully I'll be here to read it to her. That is, if I can remember that I actually do have a blog!!