Monday, August 15, 2011

Friday can't get here fast enough

I'm headed to Texas on Friday y'all. Going down to spend a whirlwind weekend with friends and family. Phil's sister is going to pick me up the Houston airport then we're going straight to The Galleria, a hoity-toity type mall that makes our Somerset look like crappy Briarwood. Phil commented the other day that I don't have very many summery clothes and that's because I can't fit into any of my cute clothes anymore. Good times. Not really. It just adds to the depression. It's a vicious cycle. I'm depressed that I'm fat and being fat makes me depressed.

Anyway, Friday and Saturday night we're staying at the swank Houstonian. Ooh la la!! Then Saturday she said we're spending the entire day in the SPA!!!!! I can't wait. I think I might want a facial and a pedicure. I could use a massage but the oils they use make my skin freak out. I dunno, we'll see what they can do.

Sunday she's driving me halfway to Denton. My good friend Sarah will meet us there and then I'll go to Denton with her. Our plan is just as awesome...Thai food, drinks, shopping. I miss her so much. I was really lost for a while when she moved away. It's hard for me to find really good friends. But I'm okay now. We've been able to see each other several times since she's moved. Her oldest daughter and my Emma were born on the same day, same year.

Tuesday morning I am driving out to Plano to visit a friend I haven't seen in at least 15 years, we went to high school together and I've always liked her. I love Facebook for the sole reason that I have reconnected with so many of my friends from high school and college. I've even become better friends with someone I wasn't really friends with, if that makes sense. She was a few years ahead of me in high school, she was this mysterious cool upperclassman that everyone loved. She was nice to everyone, happy all the time. She hung out with a crowd that partied a lot, smoked pot. I don't know who friended who but she and I have become pretty good friends, she has given me wonderful advice about raising my daughters, support and prayers when I've needed them. Funny how life works out huh?

Anyway, I'm flying home Tuesday afternoon, provided I can get on the flight. This is my first attempt at non-revving by myself. I originally was going to fly into Houston and then drive myself to Denton but Phil was really worried that I would get lost and no one would hear from me again...that Dallas interchange is a nightmare. SO then I was going to fly from Houston to Dallas and rent a car there and drive up. Phil's sister said she'd drive me up instead lol. I'll rent a car up in Denton and make my way to the airport on my own.

Oh and yes, I'm going ALONE. That's right. No husband, no children. I am desperate to get away from the kids. Once school starts it won't be *as* bad but this summer has been horrific with them. I can't take any more of the fighting, crying, whining, not listening, the huge messes they make and don't clean up, etc...it goes on and on. All three of them are on my very last nerve.

I was talking to a friend the other day about women who have killed all their children and we both agreed while we would never ever ever do anything remotely close to that, we fully understand how those women could have done it. Those women suffered from depression that was never diagnosed or treated and they spiraled into the darkest depths where I think they completely disconnected from reality and honestly had no clue what they were doing because at that point they stopped being who they really were and darkness took over.

These children push my buttons every single day. I yell at them. This morning they made me so angry that I yelled at them and made them cry. Yes I felt bad about it afterwards but dammit, I just cannot take anymore. Thank God there's only 3 more weeks until school. Yes it means waking up at 5 every morning again but at least they will not be with me from 745am to 3pm. I'll have to deal with them for 5 hours after school but it won't be near as bad as now.

Wow I'm a rambler. And I don't flow well when I'm writing. Totally choppy. But that's how my thoughts are these days.

And on that note I think I'll head up to bed. I think tomorrow (if I remember!) I will try to figure out how to add pictures in my posts and I'll add some from our quick trip to Ludington.

Good night :-)

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