Blogging is hard work!!

I don't know how people do this on a daily, regular basis. I can't even remember why I came into a room by the time I get there. I only now published that last entry, which I think was from last week and was sitting in the draft folder all this time. I didn't even finish it.

I've had lot on my mind since that trip. One thing's certain, Phil and I are definitely drifting apart again. At least that's how I'm seeing it. He never sees things in our relationship the way they are. I wonder if he wonders why I don't want to be around him as much anymore, why I'm more quiet around him. I just don't feel like sharing anything with him anymore. I'm emotionally tapped out. There's a line in a Beatles song "And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." You get back what you give. And I've given and given of myself to him yet it's like pulling teeth to get any reaction from him. If he would have a tiny bit of the passion he has for cars and other things and focus that tiny bit of passion on our marriage, I think it would work out. At this point I'm so heartbroken. I feel like I want to leave, but I can't leave the kids, can't leave my life. I'm too invested in my life here. If we didn't have kids I honestly think I would have left a long time ago. I don't even know if I would have married him. Of course I'm upset and angry and bitter so I'm saying these things without really thinking and being calm.

And now I'm going to save this to drafts like I did the other post and forget about it for a week or so. I suck.