The thought that has been in my head for the past couple of days is that I think I'd like to have another baby. There are SO many reasons why this will never happen.
1) I already have 3 kids that take up 98% of my time and 98% of my remaining brain cells.
2) I don't want to go through the nightmarish first year again. All 3 of my kids were pretty "challenging" in that first year. After 6 straight months of non-stop crying with Taylor I'm surprised I agreed to have any more children.
3) Adding another kid to our family would increase my stress level 10 times. I feel guilty enough that I'm not the mom I want to be, that would only get worse with a new baby. I know Phil would love to have a son but chances are with 3 girls the next one would also be a girl.
4) I just turned 40 and I'm having a hard enough time dealing with that lol. Yes I know there are lots of women who are still having babies at this age but I don't feel my body is up to it anymore.
5) Kids are SO damned expensive!!!
Yet even after knowing all these things and being on Phil's case the last 6 months to get a vasectomy, I've found myself thinking about having another baby. It hasn't been a consuming thought, more fleeting and I think it stems from being around so many babies this weekend. Not to mention the fact that I work in a BABY STORE and see tons of adorable babies everyday! I miss the feel and smell of a freshly bathed baby. I miss watching them discover new things. I love listening to them squeal and coo.
My friends would KILL me if I willingly got pregnant again. They all know that I would go insane with another kid. It has to be hormones. My period arrived a couple days ago and along with that the WORST PMS I think I have ever had. Yesterday was a rollercoaster of emotions for me. Most of the day was spent wanting to beat the crap out of pretty much everyone around me. Then I'd be happy, then wanting to cry, then happy, then extremely angry. Not to mention exhausted, my entire body ACHES and other general crappiness. Today is much improved but only marginally. So I'm thinking that it's got to be hormones that's making my brain think these thoughts. Or it could also be that my oldest turned 10 in March, my middle one turned 7 on Saturday and my youngest, my BABY, turned 5 in June and starts Kindergarten next week. It could be that I am sad that they are growing up so fast. It could be that I am sitting next to a framed collage that includes a lot of baby pictures. And I'm having a hard time remembering so many of those precious baby memories. I guess I'm thinking a new baby would keep it all from ending...
So yes...I do believe I have been smoking crack in bed. I also think I'm going to text Phil and tell him I want another baby and see what he says. LOL...
Monday, August 30, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Crap! Where did the time go??
Wow, I completely forgot that I even had started this blog LOL. My last post was in 2007. So I guess much has happened since then...but we haven't added any more kids to the family so don't even go there.
Phil is still flying the regional jets. He pretty much feels he is stuck there forever now. He's been flying without a contract OR a pay raise for 6 years now. His company is despicable. They are evil, selfish bastards.
I got a part-time job in April. I'm working for my friend, Molly, at her awesome store, The Little Seedling. It's this fabulous store full of amazing baby & Mama products...cloth diapers, strollers, car seats, etc...I know nothing about cloth diapers so I am in the back doing all of the internet order shipping. I love it. During the school year, I go in after I drop off Zoe (right around 8:30) and stay for however long it takes to get everything pulled, packed and shipped. Then I have the rest of the day to myself until I have to leave to pick up the girls (around 2:30pm). LOVE IT.
Taylor is going into 5th grade this year. Holy shit! When did I become old enough to have a 10 year old??? She's turning into your typical tween, but thankfully she hasn't developed any of those annoying celebrity crushes...YET. I can handle the Jonas Brothers but not Justin Bieber. She went away to Girl Scout Camp this summer, her first time away from home for more than a night. She was pretty nervous about it, didn't want to go but ended up having a great time. She went with a friend from school so she wasn't "alone" and they did a week long horseback riding camp. When I asked if she'd like to go again next summer she said maybe not stay away camp lol.
Emma. Where do I even begin with this child??? She turns 7 this coming Saturday and is pretty excited about it. We've had a rough couple of years with her. She was finally diagnosed this Spring with mild ADHD and we've spent the summer trying to get her on a good dose of medication. She has come a long way, though, from the uncontrollable, angry child she was last Fall. She is a very sweet, loving person and I know all of her stubbornness will serve her well later in life.
Zoe starts Kindergarten this year!!! How did that happen?!?!? She is SO independent, wants so much to do everything her sisters do. So I let her. She's not spoiled, but I figure she's going to end up trying to do everything the others do sooner or later so why not let her at least TRY now? She's a cuddler, loves to sit with you on the couch and snuggle.
We have 2 new additions to the family: Buster the Pug and Oscar the Bearded Dragon.
Phil is still flying the regional jets. He pretty much feels he is stuck there forever now. He's been flying without a contract OR a pay raise for 6 years now. His company is despicable. They are evil, selfish bastards.
I got a part-time job in April. I'm working for my friend, Molly, at her awesome store, The Little Seedling. It's this fabulous store full of amazing baby & Mama products...cloth diapers, strollers, car seats, etc...I know nothing about cloth diapers so I am in the back doing all of the internet order shipping. I love it. During the school year, I go in after I drop off Zoe (right around 8:30) and stay for however long it takes to get everything pulled, packed and shipped. Then I have the rest of the day to myself until I have to leave to pick up the girls (around 2:30pm). LOVE IT.
Taylor is going into 5th grade this year. Holy shit! When did I become old enough to have a 10 year old??? She's turning into your typical tween, but thankfully she hasn't developed any of those annoying celebrity crushes...YET. I can handle the Jonas Brothers but not Justin Bieber. She went away to Girl Scout Camp this summer, her first time away from home for more than a night. She was pretty nervous about it, didn't want to go but ended up having a great time. She went with a friend from school so she wasn't "alone" and they did a week long horseback riding camp. When I asked if she'd like to go again next summer she said maybe not stay away camp lol.
Emma. Where do I even begin with this child??? She turns 7 this coming Saturday and is pretty excited about it. We've had a rough couple of years with her. She was finally diagnosed this Spring with mild ADHD and we've spent the summer trying to get her on a good dose of medication. She has come a long way, though, from the uncontrollable, angry child she was last Fall. She is a very sweet, loving person and I know all of her stubbornness will serve her well later in life.
Zoe starts Kindergarten this year!!! How did that happen?!?!? She is SO independent, wants so much to do everything her sisters do. So I let her. She's not spoiled, but I figure she's going to end up trying to do everything the others do sooner or later so why not let her at least TRY now? She's a cuddler, loves to sit with you on the couch and snuggle.
We have 2 new additions to the family: Buster the Pug and Oscar the Bearded Dragon.
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