Blogging is hard work!!

I don't know how people do this on a daily, regular basis. I can't even remember why I came into a room by the time I get there. I only now published that last entry, which I think was from last week and was sitting in the draft folder all this time. I didn't even finish it.

I've had lot on my mind since that trip. One thing's certain, Phil and I are definitely drifting apart again. At least that's how I'm seeing it. He never sees things in our relationship the way they are. I wonder if he wonders why I don't want to be around him as much anymore, why I'm more quiet around him. I just don't feel like sharing anything with him anymore. I'm emotionally tapped out. There's a line in a Beatles song "And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." You get back what you give. And I've given and given of myself to him yet it's like pulling teeth to get any reaction from him. If he would have a tiny bit of the passion he has for cars and other things and focus that tiny bit of passion on our marriage, I think it would work out. At this point I'm so heartbroken. I feel like I want to leave, but I can't leave the kids, can't leave my life. I'm too invested in my life here. If we didn't have kids I honestly think I would have left a long time ago. I don't even know if I would have married him. Of course I'm upset and angry and bitter so I'm saying these things without really thinking and being calm.

And now I'm going to save this to drafts like I did the other post and forget about it for a week or so. I suck.

Man I suck at this blog thing...

I don't know how some people do it.  They're able to get on every single day and write oodles about their day and all the exciting things they accomplished.  Here I am just trying to figure out if I have enough clean socks for the kids to wear to school that morning.

So a lot has happened since I last wrote in January.  We were able to pull it together in the end and get the house listed and accepted an offer in the first few days.  We are closing on the 23rd of May and moving in an apartment on the 19th.  More packing and more moving.  But I'm actually looking forward to getting in to the apartment and having less stuff.  It's going to be a rough 10 months but we'll be saving money and right now I'm all about compromise.

Ugh this always happens to me...I get started writing then I get distracted and when I come back I just don't want to write anymore....

So I guess you'll just have to wait until I get my shit together.  You might be waiting a long time LOL